Monthly Archives: December 2011

Blogs, Blogs, Blogs!

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Whenever I wake up, I often have good ideas for an entry I want to blog about. I think to myself, “I will write about this tonight! Or as soon as I can!” Then things happen and when I finally sit in front of the computer, poised to write, I feel blank and frustrated. I often forget what to write about and don’t give myself enough time in the morning to actually sit down and even jot a note to myself as to what it was I wanted to write about. It is often one of three problems I have with writing as of late. Maybe four. Er, five? I’m actually not sure how many problems I have with writing. I will probably change my mind as I write, and think to myself that maybe the problem isn’t as big as I thought it was or maybe it is and I’m trying to trivialize it too much.

One problem I know for certain isn’t trivialized is my paranoia over what I write and how I come across. I am always worried how I am perceived; strange given how I often act when I perform for the podcast. I know I try to not care as much when I am in front of friends and in a podcast that I can allow a different persona to take light. My worries over people’s perceptions of me is often attributed to my parents who have driven me to paranoia at times on how my every word, action, and presentation is taken and interpreted especially with other Filipinos present. I remember having become withdrawn due to this frequent paranoia, to the point I had become a recluse in favor of not having to deal with the stress of putting on airs. When it comes to blogging and social media, my inhibitions come in the form of not saying the derogatory comments all the time or doing a lot more potty humor than people would feel comfortable with. In fact, it is taking a great amount of will power to not go and delete a large chunk of this paragraph and it is almost driving me mad not going back to “edit” myself out. Especially when my biggest worry is being perceived as a moron.. which I care about in too many circumstances than I would like to admit.

The third problem I have concerning writing and blogging in particular is the amount of blogs I am either maintaining or writing for. For blogs that are for myself? I currently have… 2 wordpress blogs (astralcandy.com and mreh.net), 1 LiveJournal account that contains cross postings from here and private entries meant for friends only (mreh.livejournal.com), a tumblr account I have messed around on recently when toying with the idea of a photo blog, and a Penzu account for completely 100% private entries. On occassion I also write for zantetsuken.net, and have been making a point to try to write there for participation in our podcast Sequence Break XIV. That is a total of six blogs! None are updated regularly (I’m not sure anyone particularly cares), but I have started to feel that maybe I should consolidate at least two of them into one. This would either mean astralcandy and the tumblr account rolled into one with mreh.net, but I am not quite sure if this will work out for my target audiences regarding astralcandy.com and the issues I have with being able to upload photos with ease on a blog. It is something I will need to talk to Derrick about, but am hesitant to do so since he already has so much on his plate as of late. The last thing I need to do is become an added burden to him, when I am already doing more talk of wanting to bite his head and gnaw it to a bloody pulp. Love knows no bounds until you talk of gnawing your loved one’s head into a bloody pulp, I say.

And, of course, after trying to type out my thoughts and being interrupted by my boyfriend belting out Thriller to conjure up more thoughts of undead and zombies to haunt me… I have forgotten the other things I had wanted to type. See how this is a vicious cycle? It will be a wonder if I am able to write anything again in the future. In the meantime, I will probably try to think about the idea of blogging more; whether I should continue, condense my blogs, or just give it up altogether. I’ve never been confident in my writings or blogging in general, despite my boyfriend saying he enjoys both. It is our way of communicating the unsaid thoughts that go on in my perturbed mind. Unless he becomes a mind reader. Heaven knows I’d love a boyfriend who can read my every thought and avoid the silly non-sense of talking or writing out my demented ramblings.

A Hodgepodge of Thoughts

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I don’t know exactly where to start since my thoughts seem jumbled at the moment, so I plan to just separate it into different topics:

Final Fantasy XIV

I know I was pessimistic about the game last week. I feel a tad guilty about it, but in some ways… I don’t. It sort of felt good to get those thoughts out, but then also be taken aside after a small altercation on Twitter and be told a different side of the story that I hadn’t thought of. I felt I needed that, and it puts a lot of things into perspective concerning the game and its current status. Other than that, I’m happy to be going somewhere with Team Derp. We netted quite a bit of EXP and gil last Friday by just spamming Rank 30 three star leves. The best part? I didn’t feel like dozing off to sleep while doing the leves!

I hope to drag the guys to do NMs and such later this week. It will be good to at least try it, even if we aren’t properly set up for it. I’m kinda not worried about it anyway since things will be changing by the time next year rolls around, but who knows if it will stay or go or morph into something altogether different?

Star Wars: the Old Republic

Despite the quirks things going on with this game, I am charmed by it. Maybe because there is a greater conflict between good and evil, and I actually get to do things like torture and kill people for the hell of it. I think that is what it boils down to, really. Plus, I gotta give a game props if it is able to dissuade my boyfriend from creating a female character because he thinks that the male models are actually DECENT for once.

Sequence Break XIV

So, we renamed the podcast but are still the same kinda podcast, with the same kind of people, and the same kind of -ish going on. We have had bumps here and there, but I’m honestly super happy with the podcast we are doing. Its fun because we record it with the mindset of just having fun. The hits, the comments, and all the other jazz that come with it seem to be icing on the already delicious cake. What really gets to me though? The comments! I’m surprised that we are getting a comment or two from different people. Sure its not a bucket load of comments that some other podcasts get, but it getting that comment or two that really makes me feel warm and gushy inside. I think just getting a comment from a different person is amazing in and of itself. Not that I dislike the people who do comment regularly; but knowing just one other person is listening in is simply electrifying!

Razer Nostromo

Ok, so I bought this because of my wrist issues using my Microsoft Ergonomic keyboard while playing MMOs. The whole WASD and action hot keys mess was really hurting my wrists and making it increasingly harder to play for longer periods of time while on my keyboard. I also wanted more fluid movement while doing WASD and particular actions. I’ve dabbled with the Nostromo in WoW for a little bit on some old characters, and the result is fantastic! I had no problems whatsoever with movement and having abilities at my fingertips made gameplay easier than it was previously. I plan to dabble with it more in SWTOR, LoL, and maybe WoW. I would try it on FFXIV but that seems a little silly since it is far easier to play XIV with my old PS1 controller that it is to bother using the keyboard or keypad. Though I wonder if that will change when 2.0 is released….

Paranoid Thoughts

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Last week the guys from the podcast and I talked about FFXIV’s 2.0. A reboot of sorts for the game and all that shiny jazz, but I couldn’t help but be troubled somewhat. I’ve been very pessimistic and paranoid lately, so I know this isn’t helping matters at all. My main concern was and also is my greatest fear: what if 2.0 doesn’t really change the entire scope of the game. We know what is being revised and what is going to come since it is on paper. However, what is on paper doesn’t always translate well when actually executed. I am even further worried by the upcoming changes to the classes and what the battle system will look and play like when the dust settles after the updates.

The changes made to the mage classes aren’t that exciting to me. Hell, as of now the mage classes in general aren’t that exciting to play. Yes, I can do a large amount of damage. Yes, I can do AoEs and stuff. But honestly speaking? The job is frustrating and a bore. With bugs on recast timers, I end up mashing buttons to get abilities and spells to execute properly. Because I can no longer queue abilities and spells, I have to wait for one to completely finish before I am able to attempt a different spell or ability. Trying to get magic up before a DoW can mow down the mob is incredibly frustrating and slow. Mage jobs in general is slow, but the idea of having it be slower AND getting little to no graphical change of spells? Can I have a pillow? And a blanket? Cause I’ll be snoring here in just a moment.

I know other games have such a feature where the spells and abilities get incremental upgrades and have no changes to their graphical look, but… for me the best part of being a mage was seeing those graphical changes as you gained each higher tier of magic.

I am probably crazy. No, I am crazy. I just can’t help but fret and worry. I blame SWToR and other games that have grabbed my interest more firmly at the moment.

Yoshi-P, things will get better– right? I’m already anxious 1.20 is coming out around the same time as early access to SWToR. My plaguing pessimism at the moment will hopefully go away in the near future, but right now I’m troubled and am in dire need of reassurance I know I won’t get.