Tag Archives: podcast

Blogs, Blogs, Blogs!

Posted on by

Whenever I wake up, I often have good ideas for an entry I want to blog about. I think to myself, “I will write about this tonight! Or as soon as I can!” Then things happen and when I finally sit in front of the computer, poised to write, I feel blank and frustrated. I often forget what to write about and don’t give myself enough time in the morning to actually sit down and even jot a note to myself as to what it was I wanted to write about. It is often one of three problems I have with writing as of late. Maybe four. Er, five? I’m actually not sure how many problems I have with writing. I will probably change my mind as I write, and think to myself that maybe the problem isn’t as big as I thought it was or maybe it is and I’m trying to trivialize it too much.

One problem I know for certain isn’t trivialized is my paranoia over what I write and how I come across. I am always worried how I am perceived; strange given how I often act when I perform for the podcast. I know I try to not care as much when I am in front of friends and in a podcast that I can allow a different persona to take light. My worries over people’s perceptions of me is often attributed to my parents who have driven me to paranoia at times on how my every word, action, and presentation is taken and interpreted especially with other Filipinos present. I remember having become withdrawn due to this frequent paranoia, to the point I had become a recluse in favor of not having to deal with the stress of putting on airs. When it comes to blogging and social media, my inhibitions come in the form of not saying the derogatory comments all the time or doing a lot more potty humor than people would feel comfortable with. In fact, it is taking a great amount of will power to not go and delete a large chunk of this paragraph and it is almost driving me mad not going back to “edit” myself out. Especially when my biggest worry is being perceived as a moron.. which I care about in too many circumstances than I would like to admit.

The third problem I have concerning writing and blogging in particular is the amount of blogs I am either maintaining or writing for. For blogs that are for myself? I currently have… 2 wordpress blogs (astralcandy.com and mreh.net), 1 LiveJournal account that contains cross postings from here and private entries meant for friends only (mreh.livejournal.com), a tumblr account I have messed around on recently when toying with the idea of a photo blog, and a Penzu account for completely 100% private entries. On occassion I also write for zantetsuken.net, and have been making a point to try to write there for participation in our podcast Sequence Break XIV. That is a total of six blogs! None are updated regularly (I’m not sure anyone particularly cares), but I have started to feel that maybe I should consolidate at least two of them into one. This would either mean astralcandy and the tumblr account rolled into one with mreh.net, but I am not quite sure if this will work out for my target audiences regarding astralcandy.com and the issues I have with being able to upload photos with ease on a blog. It is something I will need to talk to Derrick about, but am hesitant to do so since he already has so much on his plate as of late. The last thing I need to do is become an added burden to him, when I am already doing more talk of wanting to bite his head and gnaw it to a bloody pulp. Love knows no bounds until you talk of gnawing your loved one’s head into a bloody pulp, I say.

And, of course, after trying to type out my thoughts and being interrupted by my boyfriend belting out Thriller to conjure up more thoughts of undead and zombies to haunt me… I have forgotten the other things I had wanted to type. See how this is a vicious cycle? It will be a wonder if I am able to write anything again in the future. In the meantime, I will probably try to think about the idea of blogging more; whether I should continue, condense my blogs, or just give it up altogether. I’ve never been confident in my writings or blogging in general, despite my boyfriend saying he enjoys both. It is our way of communicating the unsaid thoughts that go on in my perturbed mind. Unless he becomes a mind reader. Heaven knows I’d love a boyfriend who can read my every thought and avoid the silly non-sense of talking or writing out my demented ramblings.

A Hodgepodge of Thoughts

Posted on by

I don’t know exactly where to start since my thoughts seem jumbled at the moment, so I plan to just separate it into different topics:

Final Fantasy XIV

I know I was pessimistic about the game last week. I feel a tad guilty about it, but in some ways… I don’t. It sort of felt good to get those thoughts out, but then also be taken aside after a small altercation on Twitter and be told a different side of the story that I hadn’t thought of. I felt I needed that, and it puts a lot of things into perspective concerning the game and its current status. Other than that, I’m happy to be going somewhere with Team Derp. We netted quite a bit of EXP and gil last Friday by just spamming Rank 30 three star leves. The best part? I didn’t feel like dozing off to sleep while doing the leves!

I hope to drag the guys to do NMs and such later this week. It will be good to at least try it, even if we aren’t properly set up for it. I’m kinda not worried about it anyway since things will be changing by the time next year rolls around, but who knows if it will stay or go or morph into something altogether different?

Star Wars: the Old Republic

Despite the quirks things going on with this game, I am charmed by it. Maybe because there is a greater conflict between good and evil, and I actually get to do things like torture and kill people for the hell of it. I think that is what it boils down to, really. Plus, I gotta give a game props if it is able to dissuade my boyfriend from creating a female character because he thinks that the male models are actually DECENT for once.

Sequence Break XIV

So, we renamed the podcast but are still the same kinda podcast, with the same kind of people, and the same kind of -ish going on. We have had bumps here and there, but I’m honestly super happy with the podcast we are doing. Its fun because we record it with the mindset of just having fun. The hits, the comments, and all the other jazz that come with it seem to be icing on the already delicious cake. What really gets to me though? The comments! I’m surprised that we are getting a comment or two from different people. Sure its not a bucket load of comments that some other podcasts get, but it getting that comment or two that really makes me feel warm and gushy inside. I think just getting a comment from a different person is amazing in and of itself. Not that I dislike the people who do comment regularly; but knowing just one other person is listening in is simply electrifying!

Razer Nostromo

Ok, so I bought this because of my wrist issues using my Microsoft Ergonomic keyboard while playing MMOs. The whole WASD and action hot keys mess was really hurting my wrists and making it increasingly harder to play for longer periods of time while on my keyboard. I also wanted more fluid movement while doing WASD and particular actions. I’ve dabbled with the Nostromo in WoW for a little bit on some old characters, and the result is fantastic! I had no problems whatsoever with movement and having abilities at my fingertips made gameplay easier than it was previously. I plan to dabble with it more in SWTOR, LoL, and maybe WoW. I would try it on FFXIV but that seems a little silly since it is far easier to play XIV with my old PS1 controller that it is to bother using the keyboard or keypad. Though I wonder if that will change when 2.0 is released….

Paranoid Thoughts

Posted on by

Last week the guys from the podcast and I talked about FFXIV’s 2.0. A reboot of sorts for the game and all that shiny jazz, but I couldn’t help but be troubled somewhat. I’ve been very pessimistic and paranoid lately, so I know this isn’t helping matters at all. My main concern was and also is my greatest fear: what if 2.0 doesn’t really change the entire scope of the game. We know what is being revised and what is going to come since it is on paper. However, what is on paper doesn’t always translate well when actually executed. I am even further worried by the upcoming changes to the classes and what the battle system will look and play like when the dust settles after the updates.

The changes made to the mage classes aren’t that exciting to me. Hell, as of now the mage classes in general aren’t that exciting to play. Yes, I can do a large amount of damage. Yes, I can do AoEs and stuff. But honestly speaking? The job is frustrating and a bore. With bugs on recast timers, I end up mashing buttons to get abilities and spells to execute properly. Because I can no longer queue abilities and spells, I have to wait for one to completely finish before I am able to attempt a different spell or ability. Trying to get magic up before a DoW can mow down the mob is incredibly frustrating and slow. Mage jobs in general is slow, but the idea of having it be slower AND getting little to no graphical change of spells? Can I have a pillow? And a blanket? Cause I’ll be snoring here in just a moment.

I know other games have such a feature where the spells and abilities get incremental upgrades and have no changes to their graphical look, but… for me the best part of being a mage was seeing those graphical changes as you gained each higher tier of magic.

I am probably crazy. No, I am crazy. I just can’t help but fret and worry. I blame SWToR and other games that have grabbed my interest more firmly at the moment.

Yoshi-P, things will get better– right? I’m already anxious 1.20 is coming out around the same time as early access to SWToR. My plaguing pessimism at the moment will hopefully go away in the near future, but right now I’m troubled and am in dire need of reassurance I know I won’t get.

Late Night Ramblings on the Podcast and Other Stuff

Posted on by

Its late, I’m tired but I can’t seem to go to sleep. So here I am attempting to update a few free MMOs, check e-mails, and some blogs, and flesh out some thoughts I’ve been bottling up inside for the past few weeks. There is stuff on PAX, but I’m conflicted if I want to blog about it or not and will most likely revisit the idea of it at a later time or date.

So, right off the bat; the podcast. Last week we got a lot of attention- more than I ever really wanted. A lot of it had to do with miscommunication and misunderstandings. It made me remember what was went through with ffxivblog.com last year and my desire to get away from it as much as possible. However, that didn’t happen since I was unable to say no or immediately clarify my intents and purposes to the others, and was unable to say no to Derrick/Orophen’s desire to do something big despite me desiring something more low key and for personal enjoyment. So the incidents that happened after the series of posts on G+ and then on forums were not really my idea, but I feel like I have no choice to accept blame for them because it wouldn’t have happened if I had been clearer from the get go.

That said, I can’t cry over the negative feedback we get because it was deserved and also warranted whether I liked it or not. When you put yourself out there, there are going to be people who like you and those who don’t. The problem, however, is when on a personal level, I become hyper obsessed with wanting things to be perfect. I did, at one point, follow the links back and read the comments, and had driven myself mad thinking I needed to fit people’s perceptions on what a good show is or isn’t. This didn’t go well on top of many other personal issues going on, and nearly drove myself to a mental breakdown and became one of two reasons why I didn’t make it to the fifth episode recording (the second reason being I needed to pack for PAX and make sure the other three people were ready as well).

At this very moment I am still in a weird mental and emotional state. I’m trying to take things in stride, but my personal life is becoming an ugly mess and is probably making it harder for me to just completely shrug my shoulders and not care. I’m stressed over things I know I shouldn’t be stressed over, and Derrick/Orophen has been the only one capable of calming me down and letting me know that I DON’T have to worry over every little comment. Being busy in real life helps, and puts many of these online dealings in perspective and also what to do to make things better. That’s the good thing about feedback (both positive and negative), because you can tell if its a consistent problem that needs to be addressed or that can be improved upon OR that certain elements ARE appreciated by others and don’t need that much fixing up if at all. Though my ideal situation would be to please anyone, I am hardly going to strive for it.

The podcast and its elements (even if it is not amusing to others) is meant to be for fun. The links will no longer be promoted on community websites because its just not what I want nor what the others seem to desire with the exception of Derrick/Orophen and maybe Frei. I can’t tell what he’s thinking so… I’ll put his name there for now.

Do I feel bad about it? Yes, I do. I feel that I have taken away something from him again, and I can’t seem to wipe away that feeling of guilt that I’ve had months prior to this situation… first with ffxivblog.com and now his desire to turn zantetsuken.net into something large and impressive. He’s told me I didn’t need to feel guilty, but I do and continue to do so even after he has told me otherwise. I had considered stepping down from both zantetsuken.net and Go Team Derp! in order for him to be able to achieve what his intents and desires are, and am still considering it to this day. Am I running away? Probably. Will I really do it? Who knows? Am I tired? Hell yeah. Time to sleep. おやすみなさい～

ps. I apologize in advance if I am more incoherent than usual. >_<;

Nice to meet you again, Eorzea!

Posted on by

First of all, I apologize my updates are very sporadic. I haven’t updated in awhile and it hasn’t helped that most of the time I have been busy with other things. Hopefully things will level out by the start of September when things start to settle down a little bit for me. Sort of. Eep!

Playtime has been, unfortunately, been as sporadic as my updates because of my schedule and not being able to clearly focus on scheduling events properly. Despite that Team Derp has moved on and we have managed to pull through with podcast recordings and also playing a bit of XIV together this past week. Part of the reason is two fold: as it stands FFXI isn’t that interesting to me at the moment. The updates are lack luster and the sheer amount of time needed to put into things at this very moment is something I am lacking at the moment. The other reason is that updates and news for XIV HAVE picked up a lot of steam as noted in the recent podcast episodes for Go Team Derp! If you haven’t already heard/read about the upcoming changes to Final Fantasy XIV, I highly encourage you to check out the last Letter from the Producer or simply check out the updates posted on zantetsuken.net. Also listening to our podcast is a super bonus!

Playing FFXIV again has reminded me what it is good for: allowing you to get that same sort of feeling that you get in WoW by doing quests. What is that, pray tell? Doing something that allows you to get some sort of reward at the end even if its a short run. Of course, the rewards in WoW are usually greater and most of the time don’t require you to be on a 30 minute timer as is the case for leves. But! Hey! At least its SOMETHING. I’ve always been able to manage my time rather well on XIV vs. XI, and in crazy times like this such things is helpful and makes me more inclined to log on vs falling asleep exhausted.

There has also been many changes since XIV’s initial release, making it fun to learn what is new and what isn’t. Its fun having done a leve so many times in the past only to come back and that -for once- the location of the mobs isn’t where it used to be before or that the mob AI in leves is a little different than what was remembered almost a year ago. Even the inclusion of finding quests more easily is fun, although I am less inclined to actually read the quest log since its not as interesting when its mostly the same format as it is in WoW. I like my cut scenes, darnit! I’m hoping for more compelling quests as is found in XI’s Windurst areas, but I won’t hold my breath on it. I’m already satisfied with the fact sweeping changes are being made in the future and that we will actually see the vision Yoshi-P has vs. speculating on what it is or will be.

Most importantly I am looking forward to chocobos. Walking is a pain. No matter what game you are in! I’m hoping that chocobo raising and riding isn’t similar to XI, but its hard to imagine what it will be like and if its possible for it to be different than how it was executed in XI. Maybe I’m not imaginative enough, but I’m about 95% confident that it will be quite similar to what is in XI. Not that its bad, because at least I know what to be prepared for. I’ll be very surprised if it isn’t like it and its something completely different altogether, but no matter the outcome… I do want my own chocobo. A white or black one if possible.

Stumbling Through the Door

Posted on by

After a long and rather rough ride home from an otherwise very pleasant and enjoyable stay at Victoria, BC, I am back home! I have quite a hefty entry to write but am too fatigued both mentally and physically to write it just yet. However, I wanted to announce that I have linked this blog onto my Livejournal account! Hopefully it will be easier for friends who are on Livejournal to keep up with my escapades or at least let them know I DO exist! I am also going to make some sort of attempt at promoting the podcast I am on since the others are trying their best to promote its existence. It is mostly Final Fantasy XI and XIV related, so it will probably never make any sense to the random listener… but! At least you know its there!

Link to the Final Fantasy XI & XIV blog and podcast website: Zantetsuken.net

This podcast is rated M for Mature

Posted on by

For a long time I have been wanting to get back into podcasting. I like the engaging conversations and also being amazed at what stupid non-sense I can spout out. I won’t even hide it; I am a potty mouth. Not just because I like to curse, but because I can say the most absurd things and relate them to gaming. Breasts and male genitals are two off the top of my head that I have talked about. Not that I’m a pervert. Well, actually, I am. I am a darn pervert that can really let loose at times without a blush until I am awake enough to realize what I said and how juvenile I can be in comparison to my male counterparts. Don’t believe me? Just check out the new podcast on: zantetsuken.net.

I swear a lot, I laugh, and I like to bitch and complain about stuff I most likely outdated on. Do I do it alone? Heaven’s no! I have Orophen, Rubicon, and Lexshu/Frei to keep me company! Our focus will be on FFXI and FFXIV, as they are primary MMOs we play together as a group. Just be warned; you might not want your mom listening in on this cast!