I had wanted to write and post this earlier in the week, but refrained to collect thoughts and to also publish it when the actual date was appropriate: Thanksgiving! This year, I have found a lot to be thankful for and I felt that it was necessary to take the time to actually write them out.So, in no particular order, my thanks for this year:
1.) My boyfriend
We have gone through a lot, and most recently we are going through another harrowing trial with his visit being postponed, me going back to school, and my various maladies that have put the strain between us at times. I know I say many awful things about him and to him, but despite whatever happens I can’t imagine myself with anyone else and more importantly he has done a much better job handling me than anyone else has. I know I’m a handful and I even try his patience, but knowing he’s there for me is such a blessing despite the times we butt heads.
2.) My siblings
Family is important to me, and my siblings are especially so. Not just those related by blood, but those I consider and treat like a sibling. I’d be lost without them at times, because they keep me grounded, safe, and treat me just as well as I try to treat them. It drives my mother insane that I spoil my siblings, but I feel they deserve it and its all the more meaningful when they reciprocate feelings and thoughts. Which, in the end, matters to me most even if one is more stubborn than the other about how he feels about me. Let’s not even get to the twisted ways he likes to show his affections towards me…
3.) My family
My parents in particular have been very supportive of me this year. When I was let go from my job, had been thinking hard about whether or not I wanted to be a teacher, and then making the move to the medical field– they were there for me. When I was feeling really down and depressed, they were kind and supportive. They drive me insane at times, but whose parents don’t drive their child insane at times? Its a vicious cycle because I know their children drive them insane at times, too! I’ve grown especially closer to my mom lately, and I’ve found I regard my mother’s thoughts and opinions highly. Without her, I think I’d be even crazier than I am at times. I’m growing more thankful for having them in my lives and for them being my parents everyday, and even my sister found herself wishing that our mother could tag along with us on our shopping excursions. Who knew that my vehement hatred for my mother as a teenager could turn to be so different as I have grown older?
4.) Online Friends
Most of them don’t know the personal issues I am going with. That’s ok. I don’t want them to know all the gritty details. I like being the foul mouthed, highly opinionated, and insane self I would like to be around others but can’t. Everyone else I know has children, sensibilities, and aren’t bloody gamers, fans of anime/manga, or just plain ol’ geeks. The other “real life” friends are normal and boring in retrospect. These guys are the people I feel I can let my guard down and not worry so much about their opinions of me. Well, I do care in the back of my mind, but its not like it really changes how I act or feel around them. They are just people I with whom I can chill, relax, or get worked up over all at the same time. And they are cool and awesome and just as downright silly as I am at times. (Psst, did you know I used to be intimidated by Chaku? Now I think she’s just super awesome. Like me. Maybe better. SHE GETS IT.)
5.) IRL Friends
Some know the issues I am going with, and… uh… dropped the face of the earth. I’m not mad. One had very good reasons (and I am never going to fault her for it; I do wish she would at least say hi once in awhile so I know she is OK), and the other wasn’t really around for most of the year because she was traveling around the country. But those that are still around and being supportive, I am really thankful to them. I’ve always had a hard time making friends and I know I am not always a good one at times, but I try and feel I worked hard on a lot of things and relationships with people who were willing to talk to me and make things work. I cherish those people and their feedback to help me be better and stronger. They are also the people who treat ME like the younger sister and often look out for me; something I only experience with these kind, intelligent, and wonderfully strong women.
6.) Random Online People
Seriously, they amuse and entertain me. Once in awhile a few will piss me off. I can count a total of three in particular who just make me want to rage right now. But I won’t discard the good times we did have no matter how few and far between they were. For the most part, however, they have helped me by leaving insightful and thoughtful comments on twitter or on my blog and have been kind enough to support me as a uncertain and questionable blogger and podcaster.
I don’t often bring up religion, because I often feel religion is a private matter. I just wanted to insert that without my religion, I think certain aspects of my life would be a little more f’ed up than the already are or were.