Thanksgiving 2011

I had wanted to write and post this earlier in the week, but refrained to collect thoughts and to also publish it when the actual date was appropriate: Thanksgiving! This year, I have found a lot to be thankful for and I felt that it was necessary to take the time to actually write them out.So, in no particular order, my thanks for this year:


1.) My boyfriend

We have gone through a lot, and most recently we are going through another harrowing trial with his visit being postponed, me going back to school, and my various maladies that have put the strain between us at times. I know I say many awful things about him and to him, but despite whatever happens I can’t imagine myself with anyone else and more importantly he has done a much better job handling me than anyone else has. I know I’m a handful and I even try his patience, but knowing he’s there for me is such a blessing despite the times we butt heads.

2.) My siblings

Family is important to me, and my siblings are especially so. Not just those related by blood, but those I consider and treat like a sibling. I’d be lost without them at times, because they keep me grounded, safe, and treat me just as well as I try to treat them. It drives my mother insane that I spoil my siblings, but I feel they deserve it and its all the more meaningful when they reciprocate feelings and thoughts. Which, in the end, matters to me most even if one is more stubborn than the other about how he feels about me. Let’s not even get to the twisted ways he likes to show his affections towards me…

3.) My family

My parents in particular have been very supportive of me this year. When I was let go from my job, had been thinking hard about whether or not I wanted to be a teacher, and then making the move to the medical field– they were there for me. When I was feeling really down and depressed, they were kind and supportive. They drive me insane at times, but whose parents don’t drive their child insane at times? Its a vicious cycle because I know their children drive them insane at times, too! I’ve grown especially closer to my mom lately, and I’ve found I regard my mother’s thoughts and opinions highly. Without her, I think I’d be even crazier than I am at times. I’m growing more thankful for having them in my lives and for them being my parents everyday, and even my sister found herself wishing that our mother could tag along with us on our shopping excursions. Who knew that my vehement hatred for my mother as a teenager could turn to be so different as I have grown older?

4.) Online Friends

Most of them don’t know the personal issues I am going with. That’s ok. I don’t want them to know all the gritty details. I like being the foul mouthed, highly opinionated, and insane self I would like to be around others but can’t. Everyone else I know has children, sensibilities, and aren’t bloody gamers, fans of anime/manga, or just plain ol’ geeks. The other “real life” friends are normal and boring in retrospect. These guys are the people I feel I can let my guard down and not worry so much about their opinions of me. Well, I do care in the back of my mind, but its not like it really changes how I act or feel around them. They are just people I with whom I can chill, relax, or get worked up over all at the same time. And they are cool and awesome and just as downright silly as I am at times. (Psst, did you know I used to be intimidated by Chaku? Now I think she’s just super awesome. Like me. Maybe better. SHE GETS IT.)

5.) IRL Friends

Some know the issues I am going with, and… uh… dropped the face of the earth. I’m not mad. One had very good reasons (and I am never going to fault her for it; I do wish she would at least say hi once in awhile so I know she is OK), and the other wasn’t really around for most of the year because she was traveling around the country. But those that are still around and being supportive, I am really thankful to them. I’ve always had a hard time making friends and I know I am not always a good one at times, but I try and feel I worked hard on a lot of things and relationships with people who were willing to talk to me and make things work. I cherish those people and their feedback to help me be better and stronger. They are also the people who treat ME like the younger sister and often look out for me; something I only experience with these kind, intelligent, and wonderfully strong women.

6.) Random Online People

Seriously, they amuse and entertain me. Once in awhile a few will piss me off. I can count a total of three in particular who just make me want to rage right now. But I won’t discard the good times we did have no matter how few and far between they were. For the most part, however, they have helped me by leaving insightful and thoughtful comments on twitter or on my blog and have been kind enough to support me as a uncertain and questionable blogger and podcaster.

7.) Religion

I don’t often bring up religion, because I often feel religion is a private matter. I just wanted to insert that without my religion, I think certain aspects of my life would be a little more f’ed up than the already are or were.

All About Friendships

I am awake at this moment because right now I am angry. Angry because two days ago I was crying in an office over something that right now is making me fucking livid as shit; friends and friendships. Here is why: in real life, I don’t have many friends. The friends I do have are often from ladies that are older than myself and have a much different lifestyle that I currently have (i.e. they have a family with husband and child(ren)and I don’t). The other friends I have are online and I treasure them deeply because they fulfill a part of me that I can’t seem to get fulfilled outside of the bits of digital data flying all over the damn net. Which is why I was in the damn office crying my heart out; its hard finding the friends that I have found online in real life. The ones that play video games, won’t look at you funny because you do, and who won’t flinch when you go through a curse storm because you simply can. And most importantly… ones who can just get you and accept you for who you are; quirky personality bits and all.

So, when I am witnessing something that I feel is not right such as actions of people not treating their friendships with respect and care especially over a game– I lose my shit. I crave good friendships because they are hard to come by. Its like watching people waste food when you know there are people halfway around the globe unable to eat, but instead I am watching people shit on friendships that appear solid from the outside but is instead being shit on and tainted for ridiculous reasons. Just as I want to backhand people who waste food because they can, I want to backhand people who walk over friends because they feel that they can or that its worth it for stupid reasons.

Its times like this that I am happy to remember what my mom taught me about being humble. There is no shame in wanting the best or to be the best, but its different if it comes at the cost of others being trampled on for the quest of glory.

Ugh, fuck. I don’t even know if I am making any sense anymore because I am so damn tired and have been wanting to go to bed since 9 P.M. PST. I need to go to bed. I’m supposed to wake up early and listen to my Professor ramble about quadratic something-something at 8 A.M. So… yeah. Sleep. Hopefully when I wake up something good will happen in the morning, but I am not holding my breath on it.

Opinion: Dragoon Pets Can GTFO

This was originally posted on, but I’m reposting it here since it was originally intended to be posted here anyway. <.<;

I love Dragoons. Final Fantasy IX is one of my favorite games and I really adored Freya Crescent both on the battlefield and in the story. I’ll even admit to having a childhood crush on Kain Highwind from Final Fantasy IV, and thinking how awesome he was with his Jump abilities. So when I say I don’t want to see a wyvern as a damn pet for Final Fantasy XIV’s Dragoon, it’s for a damn good reason.

The aforementioned Dragoons are especially strong characters, and even the current LNC abilities in XIV is powerful enough to warrant some players to employ tactics that include a party largely made up of Lancers. Their Jump abilities is where they especially shine, allowing them to leap up into the air to great heights, avoiding their enemy’s attacks, and come crushing down on their opponent with great damage. In these games prior to XI, none of these Dragoons or Dragoon-like equivalents (more akin to being just a LNC or hybrid) had a pet. They didn’t need it! So then now comes the question regarding XI: But why did DRG in XI have a wyvern!? I’ll be frank; I have no damn clue and I won’t try to play it off like I do. I do, however, remember the time early in a DRG’s career when they were nerfed in the world of Vana’diel. The Dragoons had suffered in its reputation due to the fact their Wyvern easily fell in battle and could not be summoned again until after the two hour ability timer had refreshed. It had gone from awesome to lol to awesome again, but a lot of that took time for SE to fix the reputation that it had given DRG during its dark era. Time that I’m not very confident SE should devote to using for a pet job at this time.

Now some will bring up the argument for the Dragoon in FFXIII and that Fang herself is a Dragoon and has a “pet” and thus creating the argument that Dragoons for any game hereinafter Final Fantasy XI should have a pet. Why? Because Fang is apparently able to summon and use her Eidolon Bahamut in battle! First, let’s look at a few things here:

Eidolons. Typically in the Final Fantasy universe they are magical beings summoned by practitioners of the Summoning class. Its etymology is listed being a Greek word for a phantom image and Latin uses the word Idolum from which Idol is taken and is defined as a image or representation of something typically used in areas of worship. Both definitions seem to largely make up what we know about Eidolons/Summons/Avatars/Aeons/Espers/Guardian Forces. In many cases these creatures are typically summoned in times of great need; it’s not often you get to summon them nilly willy like it is in Final Fantasy XI.

The lore in Final Fantasy XIII regarding them is that they appear to I’Cie who are in deep despair to give the person hope and test their willpower and determination as evident of their ability to push them in a crisis situation with Doom. It is not to be confused with a pet that is a tamed creature that is kept as a companion and cared for. Beastmasters care for their pets and keep them as companions, and DRG in FFXI keep the wyvern as a companion that they care for and have are cared for in return. Summoners, on the other hand, do not keep their Eidolon as a “pet” and may only summon them for assistance. Even at that point, the Eidolons are not capable of always being with you and have to return to the astral plane at one point or another. And if you still want to argue that Bahamut is a pet, try imagining yourself telling that to Bahamut’s face and tell me if you honestly think you will walk out of that conversation unscathed.

That all said and done, I don’t believe that Dragoon can’t walk away with at least something here; I just firmly don’t believe that it has to come in the form of a pet. As Yoshida has mentioned, if they give the Dragoon a pet then something will have to give since they are now trying to balance two forms of damage into one without making it either too weak or too strong. However, if FFXIV dev team decided to take upon the route that they did for FFXIII with PSICOM Dragoon’s, then that is an altogether different story.

The PSICOM Dragoon ascribes to the original definition of what a Dragoon is; a mounted infantryman. They don’t use pole arms and instead use guns, but they are mounted fighters and work on perfecting their mounted fighting abilities. This is typically hard to implement in a game, and I can imagine why Final Fantasy XI took the idea and instead made it into a pet. Does that mean XIV should have a pet? Heaven’s no! Pet jobs are a mess. Final Fantasy XIV is still in a state that it has to prove itself to a largely skeptical community; adding in a pet job that could very well not be properly implemented the first time around like it was in FFXI could be disastrous for the game’s environment. Getting the job right the first time around and not turning it to another scenario of loldrg is what needs to be focused on. The inclusion of a pet and more specifically the wyvern is a superficial add-on that doesn’t necessarily add much to the game and adds more complexities where none need to be added.

As of right now, there is no good reason to allow Dragoons to have a pet that could potentially do more harm than good in the overall scheme of things. Arguments for its inclusion are non-existent to weak at best, with one primary one being, “Final Fantasy XI had it, so why can’t XIV?” Final Fantasy XI and XIV are two separate games now being directed at two entirely different people. Each Final Fantasy itself is different and right now XIV is hurting the most. If inclusion of the pet means that either: a.) DRG is pushed back or b.) DRG’s more deadly and more characteristic move Jump is nerfed then the addition of a wyvern is for naught. I’d rather see DRG kept to how it is at this time (without the inclusion of a wyvern or a pet of sorts) and see more focus placed on game mechanics and balancing of other current jobs in the game vs. implementing a pet system that is troublesome to begin with.