Changes to the blog

In the coming weeks, I’m planning some changes to the blog. I am still debating between splitting my game and personal blog, but I know that if I do decide to blog more ffxiv I am sure my boyfriend will stare and wonder why I am not posting it on zantetsuken.net…

To be honest, sometimes I get an anxiety attack when I think of blogging ffxiv related things. I think of my early experiences with ffxiv (in-game and out) and with choice people I am very glad to have out of my life, and I can feel my entire body tense up and feel like shit. I know that sounds dramatic, but those choice four – five people were really too much for me to deal with and make me particularly reluctant to join some linkshells. It also makes me incredibly happy to be where I am and with mostly chill people who don’t have sticks up their asses or aren’t fucking insane (in a bad way). All the better if they decide to never come back to ffxiv, but eh… I’m on a different server now, so whatever.

But back to the blog. I am also planning to do it more in the style of a microblog. I know this sounds crazy when taking into consideration I am active on twitter, but I also have times when I wish to blog more than 140 characters can allow me. Tumblr is currently an alternative, but I am wanting to give WP another chance. There is also the level of control on WP vs. Tumblr that I am reluctant to give up.

So, expect to see more of my ill written blog entries. I hope. We know how well I’ve been keeping to my word of blogging more so far! <_<;

E3 Not Good Enough?

Like many people who currently play FFXIV or are remotely interested in the game, I’ve been eagerly anticipating the arrival of E3 2012. E3 is usually something I look forward to since we get to see what new games or expansions to current MMOs are coming out for the next year. It is the BIGGEST event for a gamer and seemed even bigger for FFXIV’ers because they would finally reveal the 2.0 preview video. Then the Letter from the Producer XXVIII dropped. Yoshida mentions he is on his way to E3, they plan to kick off the promotion video, unveil the promotion site for 2.0 after E3 ends, and I can tell you that my excitement is building as I read these words because it is something I’ve been eagerly anticipating for a long time; not just as a player but also as a person trying to do something in the community by doing the Sequence Break XIV podcast and Zantetsuken site. However, in one fell swoop this excitement that has been cultivated for months? The giddyness that FFXIV was going to be the most awesome come back kid is now flushed down the toilet. Why? Because they wanted 2.0 to come out with a bang. Not a trickle of information. A huge flood of information that would just awe and amaze us outside of E3.

…. Right. The biggest event for any gamer, publisher, or news media person, and would most likely garner the MOST attention from the gaming community on what FFXIV has done to become a better game is not a good platform to showcase the finished 2.0 promotion video. Because who the hell wants just a trickle of information when you can have a flood? Who wants a video when you can have a website AFTER e3? Appealing to new players? And possibly PS3 players? What better way to do that than not to do this at (excuse my language) fucking E3.

I’m dumbfounded. I’m also very hurt and angry. As someone who has done what she can to promote FFXIV to her friends and listeners of SBXIV, I have really tried to amp up 2.0 and told many people to wait until E3 if they are interested in FFXIV. I’ve managed to bring my friend, brother, and possibly my sister into FFXIV. I have also talked to other players and tried to convince them to play FFXIV now and to see what exciting news would come out with the promotional video being released at E3. Now? I feel like a fool. The rug has been pulled from underneath me. I told many people that Yoshida is awesome, because he is awesome and the things he has done for FFXIV so far have been really great. The past year I’ve also renewed my faith in SE after the initial failure of FFXIV and (in my eyes) FFXIII. Then this happens and I’m left with shit in my mouth and questioning what the hell I’ve been doing for almost a year with SBXIV (formerly Go Team Derp!), Zantetsuken, and on twitter.

I know that sounds dramatic, but I’m trying to wrap my head around this and I can’t. I understand that they want to do what is best for 2.0, because I also wish for the same thing. But not showing a video at E3 is probably missing the biggest opportunity to reach to new and former players who just brushed FFXIV under the radar even with the Welcome Back Campaign. I’d understand if they said that the video wasn’t finished. I’d be cool with that. Knowing it is finished and not being revealed is what is really mind boggling to me. The interviews that are to come are going to be exciting, but nothing would have beat actually seeing visuals of 2.0 — even if it were just all CG. Garnering interest would have at least put more seeds in people’s minds for something to look forward to. It would be a seed that hopefully will grow to, “Hrm. Maybe I should check out this website!” when the site launches and to hopefully go to, “Oh, I remember that trailer at E3! Maybe I should check this game out!” At the very least, it would have solidified the reason for people to continue to sub after returning to the game. Legacy status is a big enough reason in and of itself, but it means nothing if there is no visuals to help tease the players into wanting to stay for what will come.

So what now? I’m hoping that the release of the promotional video in August will mean they will have a larger presence at PAX Prime where players can actually look and (hopefully, but I am no longer holding my breath) test the demo. It would get directly to the players themselves or at least 70-odd thousand of them. Its not as media heavy as E3, but it is at least a mini one. Orophen and I plan to be there, as well as FusionX from Gamerescape. I’m going to try to convince myself that someone from SE is reading my tweets (well, I know ONE of them sort of is) and is holding off this whole thing just for the sake of us. I know that is crazy and full of shit, but it is the only sense of comfort I can give myself right now after such a huge blow of disappointment.

Paranoid Thoughts

Last week the guys from the podcast and I talked about FFXIV’s 2.0. A reboot of sorts for the game and all that shiny jazz, but I couldn’t help but be troubled somewhat. I’ve been very pessimistic and paranoid lately, so I know this isn’t helping matters at all. My main concern was and also is my greatest fear: what if 2.0 doesn’t really change the entire scope of the game. We know what is being revised and what is going to come since it is on paper. However, what is on paper doesn’t always translate well when actually executed. I am even further worried by the upcoming changes to the classes and what the battle system will look and play like when the dust settles after the updates.

The changes made to the mage classes aren’t that exciting to me. Hell, as of now the mage classes in general aren’t that exciting to play. Yes, I can do a large amount of damage. Yes, I can do AoEs and stuff. But honestly speaking? The job is frustrating and a bore. With bugs on recast timers, I end up mashing buttons to get abilities and spells to execute properly. Because I can no longer queue abilities and spells, I have to wait for one to completely finish before I am able to attempt a different spell or ability. Trying to get magic up before a DoW can mow down the mob is incredibly frustrating and slow. Mage jobs in general is slow, but the idea of having it be slower AND getting little to no graphical change of spells? Can I have a pillow? And a blanket? Cause I’ll be snoring here in just a moment.

I know other games have such a feature where the spells and abilities get incremental upgrades and have no changes to their graphical look, but… for me the best part of being a mage was seeing those graphical changes as you gained each higher tier of magic.

I am probably crazy. No, I am crazy. I just can’t help but fret and worry. I blame SWToR and other games that have grabbed my interest more firmly at the moment.

Yoshi-P, things will get better– right? I’m already anxious 1.20 is coming out around the same time as early access to SWToR. My plaguing pessimism at the moment will hopefully go away in the near future, but right now I’m troubled and am in dire need of reassurance I know I won’t get.

Late Night Ramblings on the Podcast and Other Stuff

Its late, I’m tired but I can’t seem to go to sleep. So here I am attempting to update a few free MMOs, check e-mails, and some blogs, and flesh out some thoughts I’ve been bottling up inside for the past few weeks. There is stuff on PAX, but I’m conflicted if I want to blog about it or not and will most likely revisit the idea of it at a later time or date.

So, right off the bat; the podcast. Last week we got a lot of attention- more than I ever really wanted. A lot of it had to do with miscommunication and misunderstandings. It made me remember what was went through with ffxivblog.com last year and my desire to get away from it as much as possible. However, that didn’t happen since I was unable to say no or immediately clarify my intents and purposes to the others, and was unable to say no to Derrick/Orophen’s desire to do something big despite me desiring something more low key and for personal enjoyment. So the incidents that happened after the series of posts on G+ and then on forums were not really my idea, but I feel like I have no choice to accept blame for them because it wouldn’t have happened if I had been clearer from the get go.

That said, I can’t cry over the negative feedback we get because it was deserved and also warranted whether I liked it or not. When you put yourself out there, there are going to be people who like you and those who don’t. The problem, however, is when on a personal level, I become hyper obsessed with wanting things to be perfect. I did, at one point, follow the links back and read the comments, and had driven myself mad thinking I needed to fit people’s perceptions on what a good show is or isn’t. This didn’t go well on top of many other personal issues going on, and nearly drove myself to a mental breakdown and became one of two reasons why I didn’t make it to the fifth episode recording (the second reason being I needed to pack for PAX and make sure the other three people were ready as well).

At this very moment I am still in a weird mental and emotional state. I’m trying to take things in stride, but my personal life is becoming an ugly mess and is probably making it harder for me to just completely shrug my shoulders and not care. I’m stressed over things I know I shouldn’t be stressed over, and Derrick/Orophen has been the only one capable of calming me down and letting me know that I DON’T have to worry over every little comment. Being busy in real life helps, and puts many of these online dealings in perspective and also what to do to make things better. That’s the good thing about feedback (both positive and negative), because you can tell if its a consistent problem that needs to be addressed or that can be improved upon OR that certain elements ARE appreciated by others and don’t need that much fixing up if at all. Though my ideal situation would be to please anyone, I am hardly going to strive for it.

The podcast and its elements (even if it is not amusing to others) is meant to be for fun. The links will no longer be promoted on community websites because its just not what I want nor what the others seem to desire with the exception of Derrick/Orophen and maybe Frei. I can’t tell what he’s thinking so… I’ll put his name there for now.

Do I feel bad about it? Yes, I do. I feel that I have taken away something from him again, and I can’t seem to wipe away that feeling of guilt that I’ve had months prior to this situation… first with ffxivblog.com and now his desire to turn zantetsuken.net into something large and impressive. He’s told me I didn’t need to feel guilty, but I do and continue to do so even after he has told me otherwise. I had considered stepping down from both zantetsuken.net and Go Team Derp! in order for him to be able to achieve what his intents and desires are, and am still considering it to this day. Am I running away? Probably. Will I really do it? Who knows? Am I tired? Hell yeah. Time to sleep. おやすみなさい~

ps. I apologize in advance if I am more incoherent than usual. >_<;

This podcast is rated M for Mature

For a long time I have been wanting to get back into podcasting. I like the engaging conversations and also being amazed at what stupid non-sense I can spout out. I won’t even hide it; I am a potty mouth. Not just because I like to curse, but because I can say the most absurd things and relate them to gaming. Breasts and male genitals are two off the top of my head that I have talked about. Not that I’m a pervert. Well, actually, I am. I am a darn pervert that can really let loose at times without a blush until I am awake enough to realize what I said and how juvenile I can be in comparison to my male counterparts. Don’t believe me? Just check out the new podcast on: zantetsuken.net.

I swear a lot, I laugh, and I like to bitch and complain about stuff I most likely outdated on. Do I do it alone? Heaven’s no! I have Orophen, Rubicon, and Lexshu/Frei to keep me company! Our focus will be on FFXI and FFXIV, as they are primary MMOs we play together as a group. Just be warned; you might not want your mom listening in on this cast!