There has been a lot on my mind lately, and when I get around to writing my thoughts down I often feel that they are disjointed and incomprehensible because of how jumbled they are. They don’t connect or mesh well with other thoughts, and I often become frustrated because then I will end up writing what amounts to gibberish. Not that I don’t do so already. It almost makes me wonder if doing a vlog would help, but then I’d have to worry about getting the images or props ready to show vs. my ugly mug on the screen. I’ll try to narrow my field of focus today to XIV, since that is the topic that has been popping up a lot as of late.
Currently in our little group we have myself, Orophen, Reiokyu, Frei, and Shouri. Two people have either recently left or have been kicked out because a.) they just stopped coming and have refused to engage in conversation with anyone from the LS when they do pop on Skype or b.) were only around to get power leveled and then proceeded to ignore us and only help our their other LS. I had a lot of choice words for the later and many more for the former, but none of that will be shared here. Then there is another guy, but he’s usually busy and hardly ever on. I’ve asked to team up with the Nightblades since, at the moment, they are also down a few of their members due to server lockout and to tag along with Jeff’s group if they will let me. It is a nice setup, I think, and it allows me to get to know the people who have been on my twitter list for awhile. I’ve already met Jeff in real life when he and Mai visited Seattle for a few hours. I often get worried, however, worrying if I am a decent enough player to be able to play with them. Even if I don’t have a lot of time to play like a hardcore player or have the achievements of one, I still worry a great deal about my abilities and skills as a player. I’m even making an attempt at leveling Weaving just so I can try to make my own triple meld gear for my BLM and WHM! Crazy considering that I am not much into crafting in the first place…
What is sort of driving me crazy right now, however, isn’t just the lack of people in our group to do end game content with, but the disparity of level between certain members and the core members. It reminds me of CoP and when we were starting the CoP group up with Reiokyu, Hiroshiko, and my brother. It was really different then, with half of us playing in a way that we could read each other and go into a fight without a huge exchange of words going on and then worrying about the other half and if they would be able to do what was needed of them. I still remember getting incredibly pissed off when people weren’t listening to directions on the Diabolos fight and causing a wipe that could have been prevented. Eventually two of the three became really solid players and I don’t think any of us felt the need to worry as much if our backs were being covered as much as we did the first half of our CoP run.
I find myself somewhat in the same place now as I did then, but not as ornery at the moment. There are several reasons for this: 1.) I am a lot more mellow then than I used to be. Anyone who knew me then knows I have a nasty temper. It is very explosive and volatile to the point I am heard outside and I’ve actually used weapons to hit people. ^^; 2.) I am a little more busier. Back then I was a full time student and was often too busy to play very often. I am back in school again but I have other commitments to take care of, too. Often they are on my mind while I am running other things at the same time. Which, to be frank, is probably for the best considering #1. 3.) I am a little more patient. I am trying to see where things are going at the moment. I’m concerned, yes, but I’m also willing to give the benefit of the doubt and look to see if there are improvements. If not, then… well… I guess I’ll cross that bridge when it gets there.