Tag Archives: real life

OMG PAX 2012

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I would be lying to say if I weren’t amped, because I am. Several friends will be attending this year, the boyfriend will be there, and I’ll get to experience a bit of the Final Fantasy 25th Anniversary for myself at the ACT Theatre.

Of course, there are some things on my mind that I’ve been worrying about:

– STUFF. Like, actual stuff. If I need to worry about bringing a laptop, what clothes to bring or how many (I’m factoring in if I want to dress up a little if I go out to dinner with the boyfriend), what to pack my shit in, etc etc. Thankfully the boyfriend will be there and can carry things. This is what is great about having a boyfriend. He acts as a humanoid pack mule. Too heavy for me to carry? Give it to the boyfriend. Too much to carry? Give it to the boyfriend? Need to use the restroom? Give everything to the boyfriend. The boyfriend is great. He may be bored and meh that he is being used in this way, but I will ensure he is properly compensated for his efforts!

– On a more serious note, I am worried about actually going to PAX and staying out. My father is having major surgery this week and he and my mom need help getting things done and making sure he’s taken care of. I know that the thought of them will always be on the back of my mind, and I’m tempted to go home at the end of the day just to check in on them with my own two eyes. I just… don’t really know what to do about it. I want to be with the boyfriend and friends, but family is damn important. I’m sure they’ll be fine and I may not have to go check in on them all the time, but I can’t help but worry. This is a big flaw of mine. I’m a worrywart. Thankfully there are cellphones and hopefully decent reception at the convention center…

– Meeting people. That anxiety of, “Will they like me?” sometimes fill my mind when I realize I’ll be meeting certain people for the first time in real life. I want to run and hide, so it will be a miracle if I stand my ground and force myself to get social. Most likely I will end up doing the later rather than the former, but I still think running away for the high lands should be an acceptable course of action.

I’ll be taking pictures and maybe trying to record certain things of my adventures at PAX. But more importantly, I’m going to try and have as much fun as possible. I’ve been looking forward to PAX since the 2011 PAX Prime event ENDED, and knowing friends will be coming has made the whole con seem even cooler than before.

 

All About Friendships

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I am awake at this moment because right now I am angry. Angry because two days ago I was crying in an office over something that right now is making me fucking livid as shit; friends and friendships. Here is why: in real life, I don’t have many friends. The friends I do have are often from ladies that are older than myself and have a much different lifestyle that I currently have (i.e. they have a family with husband and child(ren)and I don’t). The other friends I have are online and I treasure them deeply because they fulfill a part of me that I can’t seem to get fulfilled outside of the bits of digital data flying all over the damn net. Which is why I was in the damn office crying my heart out; its hard finding the friends that I have found online in real life. The ones that play video games, won’t look at you funny because you do, and who won’t flinch when you go through a curse storm because you simply can. And most importantly… ones who can just get you and accept you for who you are; quirky personality bits and all.

So, when I am witnessing something that I feel is not right such as actions of people not treating their friendships with respect and care especially over a game– I lose my shit. I crave good friendships because they are hard to come by. Its like watching people waste food when you know there are people halfway around the globe unable to eat, but instead I am watching people shit on friendships that appear solid from the outside but is instead being shit on and tainted for ridiculous reasons. Just as I want to backhand people who waste food because they can, I want to backhand people who walk over friends because they feel that they can or that its worth it for stupid reasons.

Its times like this that I am happy to remember what my mom taught me about being humble. There is no shame in wanting the best or to be the best, but its different if it comes at the cost of others being trampled on for the quest of glory.

Ugh, fuck. I don’t even know if I am making any sense anymore because I am so damn tired and have been wanting to go to bed since 9 P.M. PST. I need to go to bed. I’m supposed to wake up early and listen to my Professor ramble about quadratic something-something at 8 A.M. So… yeah. Sleep. Hopefully when I wake up something good will happen in the morning, but I am not holding my breath on it.

Blurring the lines between online and off

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In my own little group, I have met three people from the ls:

1. My own boyfriend (duh)
2. Hiroshiko; I grew up with him since he was a wee little ankle biter
3. Reiokyu during Sakura Con 2010

Well, make that four:

4. A friend of Kiln’s who was in my Chinese History class at the University of Washington and whom I remember fondly as the guy who turned in his final paper just minutes after the final had started.

Other than that, I have known players to live close to or around the area, but have never really met any of them. Then in comes Maiev who isn’t even from Ragnarok and whom I have only played briefly with during my brief stint on the Fenrir server. I’ve known the guy mostly due to the fact we are bloggers (go go blogger community!) and at one point we were on BBM and working on FFXIVblog.com together.

Last Saturday we met in downtown Seattle along with Nomnom from the Dalmatica Network. It was fun listening to stories about Ragnarok then and of course now, and then talking about the state of XI as it is now. Its a conversation piece that seems to be prevalent in many circles I am in, but one I will not explore here since its now isn’t really the time. But it made me think of just how much more fun the people I meet online are than those I know offline. It has been a realization I have come to when talking to people I know locally, because although they are great people… they just aren’t as full of super-duper awesome sauce as the more competent players I’ve met on FFXI (cause the dumb ones are just that: dumb). Sure we’re talking bits of code and digital data, but… even so, a lot of people had a lot of passion for what they did. Its always fun to see that passion in people’s eyes and in their intonation when they speak. The good, the bad, and the downright ugly is all there and you can’t help but relate because part of you has also experienced that to some degree.

I guess what doesn’t help me at all is that a lot of my friends in real life are mostly, um, older ladies who have a spouse and kids. Ring on finger? Nope. Carrying a child for nine months and popping them out from between my legs? Most definitely no. Sure its hard talking to others about my gaming life, but… when I actually do talk to these people who understand, its like a whole new world of excitement and joy.

I guess that’s why I can’t seem to be thankful enough that I got TeamDerp on my side and was able to meet Maiev and Nomnom in person. They get that part of you that not many in the “real” world would, and are much easier to be yourself around because, hey, we’re all dorks/geeks/nerds/whatever anyway, right?

Now if only I can think of a cheap way to get the rest of TeamDerp onto the west coast for a convention get together.